Do you fear success? Here are 4 ways to overcome it

The first time I saw the KPMG statistic that 75% of female executives grapple with Imposter Syndrome, it didn’t seem personal. Sure, I’ve experienced plenty of self-doubt over the years; you would too as the perennial last pick for volleyball teams during junior high gym class. But when it came to my corporate career and public speaking skills at this particular time in life, my confidence was actually strong.

But then I started digging deeper into Imposter Syndrome while researching content for my new Keynote, From Apology to Authority.  Just to be clear, Imposter Syndrome is the behavioral phenomenon where high achievers doubt their smarts, skills or accomplishments, despite all evidence to the contrary. It doesn’t matter how bright and shiny things look from the outside. Internally, you don’t feel like you belong, or are good enough to add value.

When I went down the rabbit hole exploring the six characteristics of Imposter Syndrome, I saw a phrase that clicked with me deeply – Fear of Success. We spent a lot of time obsessing about a fear of failure in our society, but this is a very different animal.

When you fear success, you don’t recognize your wins and worry people will expect more when you achieve. Even worse, you can subconsciously or deliberately self-sabotage to ensure people aren’t threatened by your success. In other words, I saw myself.

Wow, it hit me like a bolt of lightning. I recognized a long-term pattern of letting myself achieve, but then holding back in another area. Some of it stemmed from misplaced childhood beliefs that I wouldn’t be likeable or approachable if everything was going well. If I had been a cast member on a soap opera or a cheesy after-school special, this would have been the moment when I heard mournful violin chords playing in the background while gazing solemnly out of a window.

Back in 2022, I published my book Free and Clear: Get Unstuck and Live the Life You Want.  I was thrilled with the positive reaction from readers and proud of the content it contained to help others activate their full potential. And around that time, just as I was reaching for more, the self-sabotage kicked in with emotional eating. My drug of choice was processed sugar, the very thing that irritates my Crohn’s Disease, despite being in remission since 2016.

For some quick context, I made a huge healthy living detour over 30 years ago when I lost 50 extra pounds from healthy eating and regular exercise. I prided myself on being a long-term weight loss success story and it was part of my core identity. That became more challenging once I hit my fifties, but I am at my happiest and best when eating healthy is a priority. So that’s why it hurt to do the opposite just at a time when I needed to support myself the most.

Over the past two years, my Fear of Success unknowingly surged within every time I hit a new achievement milestone with keynote speaking engagements, appearing on podcasts, selling more books or my C-Suite job. I’d eat sugar constantly in our corporate office or during events, trying to ignore the inevitable energy crashes and weight gain. It felt awful, but every time I tried to break that habit loop, it would inevitably snap back like a rubber band.

Then came the moments of realization and epiphany a few months ago about how I had Imposter Syndrome in the form of Fear of Success. It changed everything. I started practicing more self-compassion and treating myself like a friend. Rather than feeling hyper-critical about how I looked on video or while speaking on stage, I focused more on the chance to positively connect with and help others. I started cutting back on the processed sugar and gained more energy. Sure enough, the extra pounds started coming off and my self-esteem improved as well.

Often on social media, we try to portray things as perfect. On LinkedIn, we tend to highlight career milestones and major business developments over things like vulnerability, challenge or loss that are still directly related to the workplace. That’s why I wanted to go extra deep today and share my experience with Imposter Syndrome with the hope that it will help someone else — maybe even you — cut through that BS and fully own your greatness.

With that in mind, here are four ways to deal with a Fear of Success:

1) Be Authentic. I recently had a conversation with Transformational Leadership Coach Michelle Goss about this topic. She noted that Fear of Success holds a matrix of beliefs that hold a fundamental rule: Don’t be who you are because it will scare other people away. “These beliefs were formed early in life as an essential survival strategy to maintain connection with others,” said Goss. “While it worked for a long time, it required you to disconnect from your authentic self and authentic expression. That is no longer sustainable.”

When you lean into your true self, it gives you strength and clarity. Maybe you saw people succeeding at work behaving a certain way that is not you, but you adopted those behaviors to get ahead. But it doesn’t feel right to who you are; doesn’t match your beliefs or values. Drop them. Instead, embracing who you are and being vulnerable about that can be your breakout trait to more goodness ahead and position you to better receive the success you’ve been working towards.

2) Practice Self-Compassion. Have you found that constantly beating yourself up and second-guessing decisions seems to make everything worse? It’s time to bring on some self-compassion, which involves being honest yet kind with yourself when assessing a circumstance.

Start by choosing a specific situation from your professional or personal life. Write down the circumstance in detail, on a screen or paper. Then let it sit for a couple of hours or days; the intent is to create distance between the situation and your harsh self-judgment.

Now think about your best friend — you know, the person who always has your back no matter what. What would they say if you were sharing this circumstance with them? As a supportive pal, I’m assuming they would listen intently and express confidence that you can make the desired changes with a different approach. Going back to your write-up about the circumstance, add that kind of response to yourself. Leading with thoughtfulness instead of withering criticism, be understanding in acknowledging your fears. Reinforce your positive qualities, and express why you know that you’ll overcome that challenge or limiting belief, just as your friend would.

3) Savor Wins. One of the best ways to combat Imposter Syndrome is to celebrate successes. After all, it is hard to ignore a mountain of evidence about your excellent skills and competence. Dr. Ken Carter, the psychology department chair at Oxford College at Emory University, shared a great practice that works for him. It is a collection of positive emails, notes of praise and other forms of external validation that he calls a “smile file.”

Dr. Carter, who is also a bestselling author and popular speaker, has achieved a lot of accolades — and still, like most of us, feels self-doubt. When the sense of Imposter Syndrome strikes before a particularly big accomplishment, he turns to his “smile file” for reassurance and proof of his talents.

Start creating your own version today! Haven’t saved any emails of praise? Look at your LinkedIn recommendations. Ask people that regularly give you kudos to send a quick text or note you can add to a central repository. Believe me, it makes a difference.

4) Peer Mentoring. To borrow a phrase from a Beatles song, we can all get by with a little help from our friends. Surround yourself with others who lift you up, offering honesty and true support. Create your own group of trusted advisors who can help shift distorted thinking and support you in embracing, rather than fearing success.

If you’ve got two minutes, pause right now and start listing people who “get” you, support you and really want you to thrive. Write down everyone that comes to mind in the arena you are focusing on. I’m assuming this is related to your professional life, but it could easily be personal too. Now, focus on the top 3-5 individuals and start scheduling meals or virtual calls with them to discuss this, offering to reciprocate the support.

Have you ever experienced Imposter Syndrome and if so, what triggered it? How have you overcome a Fear of Success?