Increase Your Self-Confidence with This 10-Minute Reverse Bucket List Exercise

Between AI deep fakes, political machinations, and manufactured social media influencers, it can be difficult to trust others these days. When it comes to believing in yourself, though, that’s another story. Not trusting your judgment and actions can lead to tremendous self-doubt, which is a one-way ticket to getting stuck.

When you experience self-doubt you question everything about yourself. Nothing feels good enough. What you do for a living, that presentation at work that didn’t go as well as planned, past relationships, the clothes you wear, how you are raising your children, and more are rehashed constantly in your mind into a singular, recurring verdict that it’s not good enough.

Clinical psychologist Kristina Hallett, PhD, ABPP, concurred when I interviewed her for my book, Free and Clear: Get Unstuck and Live the Life You Want.

“One of the things that is so hard about not trusting yourself is that you become literally stuck in self-doubt,” said Hallett. “That’s the bottom line. And when I think about self-doubt, I believe that is fully connected to the concept of feeling not good enough. If we took all the problems in the world that people have, put them in a colander and strain them, what would be left is some version of ‘I’m not good enough’ at the core of everything.”

Having a big title at work, numerous academic degrees or celebrity status don’t render you immune to self-doubt. An example that comes to mind is Academy Award–winning actress Natalie Portman. Poised, eloquent, and beautiful, she appears to have it all together. However, when delivering the 2015 commencement speech at Harvard University, her alma mater, Portman let her insecurities show.

Portman said, “So I have to admit that today, even twelve years after graduation, I’m still insecure about my own worthiness. I have to remind myself today, you are here for a reason. Today, I feel much like I did when I came to Harvard Yard as a freshman in 1999 . . . I felt like there had been some mistake—that I wasn’t smart enough to be in this company, and that every time I opened my mouth, I would have to prove I wasn’t just a dumb actress.”

She concluded her inspirational speech urging graduates to carve their own paths in life. That glimpse of vulnerability shows how any of us can grapple with self-doubt, and the lasting impact that it can make.

Self-doubt can paralyze your ability to move forward, grow, or change, even when you know that those things might be necessary. Because you don’t trust yourself to make good decisions, you stay within a narrow comfort zone of experiences and people. Risks are to be avoided at all costs, and even safe bets that may require a shift in habits fill you with apprehension. There’s no sense of risk/reward; you avoid moments of growth out of a fear of failing the challenge.

Yikes, it sounds exhausting, right? And I bet just about everyone reading this article, me included, has felt the negative impacts of self-doubt at some time in their life.

But it doesn’t have to be that way anymore. There are so many terrific books to read, videos to watch, and certified coaches and therapists who can help you overcome self-doubt. And if you are looking for a quick boost of confidence, something that you can refer to time and time again when self-doubt starts to surge, I’ve got a great exercise that takes only  ten minutes or less to activate.

It’s called a Reverse Bucket List. A bucket list (as in “kicking the bucket”) contains the things you wish to experience before dying. In a Reverse Bucket List, you list those things you’ve already accomplished to serve as irrefutable evidence of your commitment to yourself. That’s because recounting these items reinforces that when you have a goal, you can be trusted to accomplish it.

Here are the specific steps:

1. Pick a specific area or circumstance where you are feeling self-doubt. For example, you might feel frustrated for not progressing to a certain level at work while other co-workers who joined the company at about the same time have been promoted.
2. Make a list of everything you have accomplished. Rather than berate yourself for perceived failings—which just creates a sense of shame without solving the problem—consider what you have achieved in all aspects of your life. Be sure to include professional and personal accomplishments, big and small. The longer the list, the better. Taking a third-party perspective—like a benevolent yet emotionally uninvolved bystander glancing at your life—can help. Did you graduate from college? Land a new big client for your company? Overcome a health challenge? Organize a successful fundraiser for your child’s school? Learn how to swim after being terrified of water? These achievements all serve as proof of your talents and skills.
3. Pause for a moment to review your list. Let everything sink in and savor each accomplishment, jotting down a few notes about how those items make you feel. Elated? Proud? Strong? From this perspective of admiring everything you’ve already done, what does that tell you about yourself? This step builds confidence and boosts your self-efficacy, reinforcing that if you were able to crush those other tasks, you can get unstuck with credit card debt or whatever challenge is top of mind right now.
4. Take a fresh look at the challenge before you. Reminded about your competence, creativity and smarts, how are you feeling about yourself? What might you do differently now from this place of confidence?

How have you turned self-doubt into self-confidence?

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