Why You Should Focus on What You Do Have, Instead of What You Don’t
Count your blessings. Look for the silver lining. See that glass as half-full instead of half-empty. We have all heard the importance of focusing on what you do have in life, instead of what you don’t. While it may be easy to dismiss these sayings as merely fuel for countless memes, posters, and inspirational cards, they happen to be 100% correct. Because when you focus on the goodness that already exists in your life, it bring you more happiness and fulfillment.
That was certainly the case for Women’s Mindset Coach Kelly Osbaldiston, PCC. During her childhood, she daydreamed about one day meeting Prince Charming, getting married after completing college and having two children by the time she was 27. But things didn’t go as planned.
“At 36, I learned I had a 1% chance of having a child of my own. At 40, I found someone I wanted to spend my life with. Overtime, my husband and I found fulfillment in accepting that I wouldn’t have children, but I spent years feeling inadequate and unsettled in everything I did. After many years of therapy, bodywork, self-care, reading books, and participating in programs, one coaching session was the catalyst to changing my thoughts about my reality of not being a mother, not having kids. I learned that my thoughts create my emotions/feelings which lead to the actions I take, and the actions I take lead to the results I would get in my life.”
That process proved to be transformative for Osbaldiston. She became passionate about helping other women let go of the painful void they felt from not having children. Leveraging her expertise in coaching, psychology, and personal experiences, today she helps heal the hearts of childless women through mindset transformation at kellyozcoaching.com. Her work includes disarming mind-traps and helping women without children find hope and significance in the life they desire. She has also just started a Facebook Group for infertile and childless women.
Focusing intently on what you don’t have can get you stuck. Osbaldiston notes that putting all of your attention on what feels lacking means you are continuously arguing with your reality, making it difficult to concentrate on anything else. Your negative thought patterns can block you from moving forward with your life. However, shifting your thinking opens doors to creating what you desire.
Richard (L) and Kelly (R) Osbaldiston
“If seeing is believing, shifting your attitude helps you gain new insight for what’s possible,” she explains. “Plus, there is a lot of research that shows how being grateful for the things you have in your life can lead to a reduction in depression and blood pressure.”
Ready to start focusing on what you do have, and gain more meaning and fulfillment in the process? Here are some helpful tips from Osbaldiston:
1. Mindfulness is key. Become aware that you have choices to make with regard to how you gain meaning and fulfillment in your life. It’s truly up to you, but you have to remain checked-in to your emotions. One of the first things you’ll need to do is to become more aware of the negative thoughts you’re habitually thinking. In order to change things, you’ll need to first notice what needs to change.
2. Experience your feelings. Allow yourself the time and space to notice, feel, and process through all of your emotions including negative and uncomfortable ones. Emotions are important as they give us information about what’s going on in our life. If we get into a habit of avoiding our emotions instead of experiencing them, we could just as easily miss out on experiencing positive emotions along with the negative emotions you are trying to push down.
3. Give equal airtime to the positive things in your life. Check in with yourself and if you’re spending more time thinking about the negative things in your life, spend as much time thinking about the more positive things in your life.
4. Gain clarity around your key values and how you are living them. Values are the compass that can help us live a meaningful and fulfilling life. Take some type of action each day towards strengthening and living into the values that you have decided are the most important values in your life.
5. Seek support and additional perspective. At times it’s difficult to get out of autopilot without the objectivity from someone you can trust. A coach, therapist, support group, or confidant can help you shine a light on unhelpful negative thoughts that you’re not aware of, that may be getting in your way.
How have you shifted from focusing on what you don’t have to the positive things in your life? What was the outcome?
Looking for a step-by-step process to help you get unstuck and stay that way for good? Check out Free and Clear: Get Unstuck and Live the Life You Want. It is chock-full of helpful tips, easy-to-use tools and inspirational stories of individuals who overcame obstacles against the odds.